Some days are full of life.
Some days bring hope.
Some days are a struggle.
Some days doubt seeps in at every crack.
Some days hang in suspended animation.
Some days roll smoothly.
Some days bring promise.
Some days seem long.
Some days are muddled.
Some days fill with anxiety if you stand still for ny time.
Some days need concentration.
All days need strength.
I took part in the RSPB bird watch weekend last weekend. Because we are rural and maybe because I put out loads of feeders, which I keep topped up, we have a large number of woodland birds visiting on a regular basis.
I have long been an admirer of Matt Sewell’s bird illustrations. In one of those moments where you just want to change rooms and do something a little bit more interesting than your average painted wall etc, I decided to paint tiles and the walls with fun stuff.
So I just launched into sketchy cameos of some clunky fun regulars who visit our garden. I did check out if Matt Sewell did tiles, but I could not find any, so I did some based on his work for the kitchen and to surround our fireplace.
Never having attempted anything like this before I started with acrylics. These just rub away from a glossy tile. So I played with other ideas but did not want to spend money really as these are just for fun. So as I had loads of plain white tiles, I decided to experiment! I have discovered that acrylics work reasonably well if you paint and then cook them! About 30mins on a low heat and the paint stays put much better. I am not sure if they would stand up to washing, but a gentle wipe should be ok. I will let you know ……………………
So the fun freeze is on its way to being completed.
The fireplacce needs a border of one tile depth around 3 sides. The grren we chose is a little trickier to paint so I am still playing with ideas. But hey – a fun Saturday!
Change has a unique beauty.
Its change, so not always comfortable, but there is beauty to be found – sometimes in the details, and sometimes in the bigger picture. Maybe both?
Change almost forces us to look differently
We reassess our familiar landscape
We can not do anything other than work with what now is. The outlook will change again in a few days.
Cut off from normality, isolated in quiet, surrounded with unexpected beauty. Shifting lines, tracks. A new perspective.
An adjustment in attitude, methods, routine, clothes, light, thought, time, perspective.
A different light. An altered horizon.
Sometimes a kind of glory lights up the mind of a man. It happens to nearly everyone. You can feel it growing or preparing like a fuse burning toward dynamite. It is a feeling in the stomach, a delight of the nerves, of the forearms. The skin tastes the air, and every deep-drawn breath is sweet. Its beginning has the pleasure of a great stretching yawn; it flashes in the brain and the whole world glows outside your eyes. A man may have lived all of his life in the gray, and the land and trees of him dark and somber. The events, even the important ones, may have trooped by faceless and pale. And then – the glory – so that a cricket song sweetens his ears, the smell of the earth rises chanting to his nose, and dappling light under a tree blesses his eyes.
Then a man pours outward, a torrent of him, and yet he is not diminished. And I guess a man’s importance in the world can be measured by the quality and number of his glories. It is a lonely thing but it relates us to the world. It is the mother of all creativeness, and it sets each man separate from all other men.
John Steinbeck East of Eden
Tom, the third son, was most like his father. He was born in fury and he lived in lightning. Tom came headlong into life. He was a giant in joy and enthusiasms. He didn’t discover the world and its people, he created them. When he read his father’s books, he was the first. He lived in a world shining and fresh and as uninspected as Eden on the sixth day. His mind plunged like a colt in a happy pasture, and when later the world put up fences he plunged against the wire, and when the final stockade surrounded him, he plunged right through it and out. And as he was capable of giant joy, so did he harbor huge sorrow, so that when his dog died the world ended.
John Steinbeck East of Eden
What passages! What more can I say? These are the things I want to say and Steinbeck just says them so perfectly. These are my deepest inclinations. I have immersed myself in making, loosing doubts and fears in the act of creating. No direct goals, no real intent, just the act of pushing something inside me to the outside.
Ready to fill up again no doubt!
Here is wishing you all a very happy new year!
Its always fasinating to think of what the year ahead might hold. This time last year we did not know that our bonny adorable baby girl would join us. So the beginning of this year is full of beautiful liquid smiles and occasional protests which state clearly that the available staff are simply not fulfilling their duties fast enough! We try…………
Christmas was spent house sitting. It was peaceful and a lovely change. New walks for the dogs and us. Evenings spent knitting in a different setting. Refreshing.
We had a family meal when my son and his wife came down from the Isle of Skye, it was so good to see them. Island life has fully infiltrated them, running through their blood in every sense. Their remote croft on the north of the island sits next to the sea and re-defines the term ‘windy’. They describe the boulders which have to be placed on absolutely everything to keep within walking distance! The pictures of their life and views are the stuff that dreams are made of, it is simply stunning.
To start the new year I decided to follow a tradition which I started when the children were young. We went to one of my favorite places in Somerset, Kilve. The rocks and contours of this landscape never fail to inspire.
I thought perhaps that this year I should try to revisit places which resonate with me deep down. Places to revisit which touch me deeply for one reason or another. All of these are not too far from where I live. I have never yearned for far off places, I have never been on a plane, I just live and love the areas around me.
I have been using up my stock of wool in creative ways. Finishing another batch of cardigans and dyeing them for a shop in London where they sell well. Each individually handmade, dyed and finished.
I have plans afoot for smaller projects and very individual ‘art’ pouches and bags. Landscapes, lines made by walking and a tribute to local, in every sense.
I do wish creative dreams being realised for everyone for 2019. Let the journey continue!
Is it me or does something happen in Setpember which causes the rest of the year to slip by as if on greased wheels? Why do the last 4 months of the year zoom by? Comparatively the first 4 months of the a new year sort of bump along as if travelling over a rutted farm track. Oh well, I am not going to change it, so I must accept it, even as a bystander just standing almost clear of the escalator.
Lets start with carnival. I took Mollie to Glastonbury Carnivalway way back in November. It was a huge effort and freezing cold, but just magical! I can’t think which I enjoyed more – her face or the huge effort and time put in to the floats. Always a spectacle but especially seen through the eyes of a child (sorry, young adult)!
Most importantly the vest BEST event of the year.
Then there was the show. The slow show. Unfortunately it was the weekend between black friday and cyber monday! Enough said. However I met some lovely people and traders (also people – incidentally). Overall a bit disappointing but I would do it again as its a local show.
So it looks like loads, and maybe thats where the time went? But it has taken me so long to recover! I am still battling with nausea and exhaustion on a daily basis. I have new tablets to take which have helped a bit. Pacing myself is something I dont excel at. In fact I hardly know how to do it! But I am going to have to make a pact, if not friends with this new state of being if I am going to get anywhere. Mind over matter does not apply when my body is working against my mind all the time. My body is not making a terrible fuss, I admit, currently we are getting along, mostly, but this debilatating exhaustion and now nausea are the check point in every day. When energy is a limited resource I need to learn to spend it wisely. This I find upsetting. I mean cancer would be ok if one didnt feel so dreadful some of the time. Like childhood, wellness is becoming a dim and distant memory.
But I do count my blessings so to speak. I am still active and I do still achieve. Mostly this activity keeps me positive and forward looking. An altered state of being is a strange concept to live with. Like watching yourself and how you react without being fully present.
Odd.
October 28th is now a very important date to add to our family diaries. On this day little Verity entered our lives in person.
What can I say? Everything and absolutely nothing. No words can sum up this occasion.
It was not an easy ride and for a while a very scary one for baby and mum. However, we are on the mend and we are all getting used to new stuff.
On my needles? Possibly a few baby knits(??!!!) and just maybe a few more in the pipeline?? Knitting for a small person is such a wonderful activity. Anticipation in every stitch. Choosing colours now we have met her, choosing patterns, yarns and needles. everything done in small!
I have also been knitting like mad for my upcoming Christmas craft show. I want to take my knitted pouches and cardigans alongside the yarn. Where energy is a limited resource these days I have to learn discipline,(often lost in translation to life), to be realistic about what can actually be achieved in a day, rather than what I desire to be achieved in a day. Between the 2 is a rather large gap.
I look forward to handknitting in the evenings. Peaceful, repetitive, soothing. It is my comfort habit.
Autumn this year has been spectacular. All the fire colours lining the fields. Glorious. Exciting. Inspiring.
What an incredibly varied year we have had. Autumn is proving no exception. Mellow and glorious.
My consultant was reassuring. Apparently I am not waiting to get worse, but making the most of not getting worse. Mixed feelings. I certainly am focused on living and staying as fit and healthy as I possibly can. I am young enough and fit enough to be put forward for a bone marrow transplant when the time comes. This can extend time for quite a while once you have got over the treatment. Encouraging.
In the mean time I felt I just had to get away to breathe. So down to Dorset for a day. Wonderful.
I came back with renewed energy and positivity. Healing.
I have been busy making these notion pouches. Using up lots of bits and giving me a purpose and focus. I have a Christmas Fair booked at the end of November, so I am hoping that these will make good gifts.
Today is beautiful. The best of autumn, crisp and clear with stunning displays of glorious colour everywhere you look.
We had a grim weekend with non stop rain for nearly 48 hours. We also had an upsetting (and expensive) incident involving squirrels and rusty barbed wire. Two surgeries later with a hefty bill we are now feeling better. Mostly we are on crate rest, but under supervision while its sunny, soaking up the last of the summer warmth seems like a beneficial healing strategy.
With the next lot of blood results due this week I find I am restless. The uncertainty is unsettling at best. Time is now chopped into short fat blocks of weeks. Learning to live with a deteriorating future is tricky at best. I have found huge therapy in concentrating on various projects. Making stuff by hand concentrates my mind and requires my full attention. This especially so when my bones are loosing strength so that jobs which I have never engaged any thought in, now require methodical step by step concentration.
Here are some of my knitted panels ready to be made into my new zipped, lined pouches. I have had so much encouragement for these I am making more.
I have a shaming amount of ‘stuff’. I am doing what craft fairs I think I can manage. This has actually been an amazing experience. From the least expected places have come such wonderful support and kindness. I have been humbed by a few people these last few weeks. You know who you are, but I have to record my heartfelt thanks to Maggie, Rebecca and Sharon in particular. Guys you are true lights.
Meanwhile I can hang my washing out – literally!
Next week I will know what the following few weeks will hold. Strange, this way of thinking. All decisions out of my control and yet somehow I keep planning my life. Our new baby (my 4th granddaughter) is due in October (towards the end) and this event has been my ‘carrot’ since January. This wonderful event certainly puts everything else into perspective. What a wonderful event to focus on.
In the meantime, I keep making….. (going to have to use a horsebox to transport all the baby gear if shes late!!).
Jillybean Yarns 