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Bert and Other Tails

There is a lot to catch up on……….. Family news continues but we can now allow ourselves a little optimism.  Living with fear is an odd experience.  There is a grief which is constantly present but not realized.  Something which is impossible to discipline but which must be walked with.  Something unseen and yet more real than anything else. Spring has pushed its way through.  This morning the skylarks filled the valley with their declarations and I defy anyone not to smile!  Such a tiny glorious bird shooting vertically into the sky, making such an unmistakeable noise fills my inside with optimism. Primroses, Celandines, Oxslips and Cowslips are all filling the air with their unmistakeable ‘spring’ smells. Yesterday was Palm Sunday.  Bert is a donkey.  Just that simple sentence is sufficient and infers a dictionary of words and experiences if you have had anything ever to do with donkeys.  Bert has a career in being holy.  He does church events at Christmas and Palm Sunday.  Yesterday he attended church twice.  On Saturday I was walking him trying to practice ‘holiness’.  Bert considered premature holiness a waste of time.  Sunday is for halos NOT Saturdays.  I was told!  Sunday he was AMAZING!!  Despite 2 church wardens being extremely nervous, he attended the service, walking under palm leaves and singing hymns.  He was adored and had no opinion about it!!  Incredible!  He left no gift in the churches, the perfect donkey.  ummmmmm…… today the opinions are back and he does not consider any more holiness is worth investing in.  twice a year is ok, but more than that is, well, just silly! Knitting has been my place of refuge.  I have enjoyed my making more than I almost ever have.  Strange though.  the projects which have been my company by hospital beds and appointments are so full of feeling that for the moment I can not return to them.  This has suprised me.  It must be a very subconscious thing.  I will get back to them but can not for now.  I have, however been making lots of things and here are some. Kate Davies designs have been a favorite.  Also designs by Isabelle Kraemer.  Also my own, for Up to Seven in Bath. Making is healing in many senses for me.  An ongoing place to return to.  Regular repetition of patternwork, the handle of pure wool combined with the smell (probably just me…), sensuous colour combinations for fun or reflection or just to express the current mood.  All the actions of knitting I find therapeutic and reassuring. There is much more to tell about Jillybeanyarns but I will save it for another day.  I have never been very good at wearing my heart on my sleeve.  Private by nature, I have issues with exposing those deep places with which I am full  right now.  But unpeeling slowly the top layers is like letting spring arrive, allowing the hope to show a little? Cautiously optimistic……..

Meg and Ollie!

Meg and Ollie!

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About jillybeanyarns

Artist, maker, creative mess-maker. Expert in complications and chaos. #livingwithcancer

6 responses »

  1. Whoo Hoo, SO glad to hear from you!! KNOW that your grand daughter has been in my prayers every morning. Wanted to email you but didn’t want to intrude… All of this does my heart GOOD…..and we are having SNOW!!! kind of serious snow but I know it won’t last.
    Bert……what can I say, a trooper………….Blessings of Easter upon you and yours. What great knitted pieces you have shown us. Beautiful. continue to take care of your self. Hugs

    • Thank you so much Susan! We appreciate your kind support, thank you. Sorry about your snow! Today was gorgeous here although I did miss having snow this winter! Many thanks for your lovely comment x

  2. Dear Jill, so lovely to see through your eyes and busy fingers again. I had to do a double-take to check I was seeing the images correctly…yes, you have been very very busy making things! I think of you often and am always wishing you well.

  3. Thank you so much Rebecca! I have been following your blog with interest and admiration too! I have found that making and looking have been a kind of salvation and I feel I have learnt much more about myself than I ever knew! Digging deeper reveals more little bits of treasure as well as debris! So kind of you to comment, thank you.

  4. Hello Jilly, your post was, I think, use-full in the best sense, lifeforce never stops, I am glad, but not expressing it well, that you come out of the shades, back into the sunlight.

    Best wishes,



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